Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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