i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Randomize
