Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Randomize
