This is not my ceiling
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
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