Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
