Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Last time i carry you out of a forest
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
So apparently I’m into choking now
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
