That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
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