youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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