New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
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