So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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