Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
