just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
