the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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