I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I want to fling myself into the sun
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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