I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
