"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
