I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Small penises have feelings too.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
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