I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Randomize
