My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
