we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
