I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
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