On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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