omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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