you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
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