you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
