I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
