he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
