I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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