your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
time to smoke my breakfast
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
