New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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