I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
