just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
