Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
