I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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