Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Randomize
