I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
