Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
