If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
No stitches, just platelets and will power
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
