I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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