He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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