The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
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