Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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