The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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