"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
