I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize