i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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