I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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