We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
