I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
