this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
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