Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I think people are normalizing furries
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
