I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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