They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
