worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
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