Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
