This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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