singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
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