i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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